Sexual Abuse
Sexual Abuse can take many forms. It can be an uncle forcing his nephew to touch his genitals, a father molesting his daughter, a neighbour giving candy to a little girl to take off her clothes, a mother's invasive interest in her child's developing body or an older brother "preparing" his sister for her future sexual relationships with men.
The ways in which children are sexually abused are numerous and always unique to the individual situation. It may happen in one's own home, at a park, in a car, at a friend's, at school or at church. It may happen once or may last a whole childhood. There can sometimes be multiple abusers. Whatever form it takes, the impact is often devastating and long-lasting.
Impact of sexual abuse on a child
While not all individuals are affected in the same manner, the following are some of the ways in which sexual abuse can be traumatic to a child:
- Loss of safety and security
- Sense of being bad, unworthy or unlovable
- Fearfulness about being harmed
- Feeling different from other children
- Distorted beliefs about sexuality
- Decrease in confidence
- Anger at authority figures
- Difficulties in concentrating
- Problems with boundaries
Long-term effects
Time does not necessarily heal the effect of the abuse. Who we are, how we see the world, the ways in which we relate to others and to ourselves are based on all of our accumulated experiences. As early experiences are crucial to a child's developing sense of self, the beliefs and values formed out of the abuse experience can have far-reaching consequences into adulthood . Some of those might be:
- Depression
- Sexual difficulties
- Sexual promiscuity or avoidance
- Anger
- Addictions
- Low self-esteem
- Self-harm behaviour
- Feelings of disconnection from others
- Frequent "spacing out" or dissociation
- Anxiety and panic
- Difficulties in relaxing
- Need to be in control
- Suicide attempts
- Flashbacks
- Nightmares
If you have been abused
Healing is possible!! It is never too late to make the necessary changes in your life. Here are some ways to start that process:
- acknowledge that the abuse has had an impact
- don't blame yourself for what happened
- identify the ways in which you coped as a child
- identify the ways you cope now with life
- identify which coping you would like to keep and those you would like to change
- give some thought to how the abuse is still impacting on your life
- stop any behaviour which is shaming you further
- watch your thinking-monitor it for ways you put yourself down
- break the silence with someone you trust-it helps a lot with feelings of shame
- learn how to manage self-harm behaviours-you can stop
- get help for addictions
- gain control over the flashbacks-learn about ways to "ground" yourself
- learn relaxation techniques
- examine your life for abusive relationships
- recognize that what you are experiencing is normal under your circumstances
Counselling can also help with breaking old patterns of thinking and acting which are now destructive. A skilled therapist can often identify habits, assist with developing new ways of coping and feeling, and provide the support necessary to make changes which at times may be difficult.
