From the moment you have children the adventure begins. When your child enters your life he or she will be your main focus; and when you become busy with childcare you may forget the importance of self-care.

"Are you still... "

1. Eating Healthy - eating well-balanced meals
2. Exercising- at least three times a week for at least 20 minutes
3. Getting as Much Rest as Possible- waking up feeling rested
4. Taking Time For Yourself- reading a book, going to a movie, taking a bubble bath

You wanna be the best you can be, take care of yourself!

Help!

Sound familiar? Many times we are faced with parenting issues that are really tough and during those times you may feel that you don't know what you are doing. This may leave you feeling inadequate as a parent. Relax. Almost every parent goes through it. There are different things that can be done to help you through those trying times.

Try this!

1. Talk to other parents who have been through similar situations.
2. Take a time out. Count to 10 or leave the room for a moment.
3. Call someone you trust when you have a break from your child. Talk about your concerns and stresses.
4. Enroll in parenting classes. This will provide you with a lot of ideas on how to handle your child the next time he or she misbehaves.

Take Care...

It's most important to be patient with yourself as you learn how to parent your child. It's not easy. There are many stresses that will come into play as you care for your child.

Stresses? What Stresses?

1. Financial – you may find yourself with too little money for too many expenses.
2. Exhaustion – chasing a child around and keeping up with household chores can leave you feeling physically and emotionally exhausted.
3. Too many demands – from child's school, your job, and your spouse
4. Not enough time – for socializing, housekeeping, yourself

Stress is a normal part of life, BUT remember to take good care of yourself so that you can deal with these daily stressers.

Give yourself a break!

1. Swap kids with family members- you will be giving your mind and body a rest
2. Talk with other adults- talk about issues that are not child related.
3. Spend a night with your spouse- send the kids to a sitter or go out for the evening
4. Go for dinner WITHOUT the kids- get reacquainted with your partner or friends, talk about old times
5. Stay up late- enjoy your favorite cup of tea or throw an old movie in the VCR

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
– John Wilmot

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
– Sydney J. Harris

Parenting and Problem Solving:

(from Barbara Coloroso, Kids Are Worth It!)

Reality vs. Problems:

A reality needs to be accepted as something that we cannot change. A problem can be solved.

Problem Solving:

1. Identify and define the problem.
2. List viable options for solving the problem.
3. Evaluate the options. Explore the pluses and minuses for each option.
4. Choose an option.
5. Make a plan and DO IT.
6. Evaluate the problem and your solution: What brought it about? Could a similar problem be prevented in the future? How was the present problem solved?

Discipline:

1. Show your child what (s)he did wrong.
2. Give her/him ownership of the problem.
3. Give him/her ways of solving the problem.
4. Leave her/his dignity intact.

Fair Fighting:

1. When you are upset or angry, say so in a firm voice. Be straight and use an upset or angry tone of voice, but not an aggressive or passive one.
2. Tell the other person about your feelings.
3. State your belief out loud but avoid "killer" statements that attack the other person.
4. Close the time gap between the hurt and the expression of that hurt. Give direct feedback.
5. State what you want from the other person.
6. Be open to the other persons' perspective on the situation.
7. Negotiate an agreement you can both accept.

Parents and Kids:

It is always okay to call a time out, refuse to take abuse, and insist on fair treatment. Fair treatment is treatment that is honest, adequate and just.

Children and Discipline

Every child is different therefore the discipline or parental approach that works for one child does not necessarily work for the other. So look at your child's personality to see what may work for him/her. You also have to remember that children's personalities change as they get older.

Establishing an effective atmosphere of discipline and guidance is important. Also, a large part of being a good parent involves having goals and directions for your child.

Did you know...

Parents discipline style have a direct effect on how a child views the world, views themselves, and copes with life's problems.

Three Different Types of Parents Styles:

1. The Brick Wall – demanding and bossy
2. The Jelly Fish – weak
3. Backbone – sets limits and consequences, but helps the child to solve problems

Balance between Firmness and Flexibility

• The secret of successful discipline is knowing when to let things slide.
• Parents who are overly involved in directing all the small details of a child's life are bound to create conflictual relationships. Figure out what really matters to you.
• In every family there are both negotiable and non-negotiable issues.
• Non-negotiable issues are safety, health and fundamental values.
• Negotiable issues are personal preferences, differing tastes, and convenience.
• Say yes whenever possible: Try counting how many times you say no to your child during the day. Then try and balance that number by saying yes.
• Speak with authority.The key is to state your rules and expectations clearly and firmly. This approach takes effort and patience. i.e. Instead of "Why isn't your seat belt on?", try saying: "When you've buckled up, we'll go."

The Reasoning Behind Rules

• Rules give a sense of security and ensure a sense of order in your child's life.
• If rules are constantly changing children are disoriented and confused and the way they act will show it.
• If your family is always at battle the first step to household harmony may be looking at how you make the rules.
• Rules are more effective if they are clear and simple. Give reasons for the rules, and use reasonable consequences to enforce them.

Remember...

Children need to be loved. There are many ways you can show your children that you love them and at the same time build their confidence and self-esteem. This is the framework for positive discipline.

Children need to know they are the most important part of our lives and using positive discipline is the way to show them.

Teen Talk

Teens and Communication Teenage years are often described as times of change. Changes in values, bodyshape, feelings and relationships are just a few examples. As a result, communication with your teen is difficult, but very important to maintain.

To improve your relationship and build self-esteem in your teens remember that they want to be:

1. listened to taken
2. seriously
3. accepted and loved unconditionally

Get Off On The Right Foot

Just as important as knowing what to say it is also important knowing what not to say.

Adults use too many words, phrases, and cliches that shut down the avenue we need to travel in order to reach our teenagers.

Teens do listen!

Young people hear what you say. They listen, they remember. And they will digest your words, as a parent, all of their lives. They may not obey you but they do hear a lot of what you say.

Get Rid of your Negatives

If you want to promote dialogue with your teen, you have to quit trying to convince yourself that the effort is hopeless!

Two things have always been true:

• we need to talk to our teens
• talking to them does have an impact even if we think it doesn't

Where We Get Confused

We confuse two separate actions:

• our provision of information
• our teen's response to that information

Remember that teens need information in order to make accurate choices.

Tips

• Praise your teen by zeroing in on his/her efforts, not just on his/her achievement.
• Respect your teen's opinions even though they may be different from yours.
• Talk openly on any subject that they want to talk about.
• Explain your expectations. They can only know what you expect of them if you tell them.
• Respect their views, differences, and privacy. Allow them to express their own ideas and feelings.
• You turn your teen off when you yell, whine, demand, preach, or nag.
• When you criticize, be sure your teens understand that it is not them you dislike, but the behavior.
• Try not to bring up the past by using terms like always, never, or ever.
• Deal with one issue at a time.
• Feelings are not good or bad, so try not to argue with your teen when he/she tell you how they feel. Don't dismiss their feelings as being unimportant.
• Be a good listener. Believe that what your teen says is important.

Phrases that Turn Teens Off

"When I was your age ..." They might think that you are saying that their problems aren't important because you had it much tougher when you were their age.

"You don't understand" You are sending the message of "You aren't capable of understanding, so there's no sense in explaining it."

"You only think you have problems." You are saying teenagers only have mini problems.

"I don't have time to listen now." Teens might misinterpret this phrase by thinking that you are too busy to be pestered by a teenager's little world.

"Because I told you to." This phrase means: "I don't want to bother with your attempts to work things out."

"You'll look back someday ... " You're saying forget about today and concentrate on tomorrow.

Think about what you say, especially the things you say over and over. Your vocabulary and/or tone of voice might be a huge red light in your relationship with your teen.

Additional Links on this topic

A FAMILY SITE

Contains information and linked for: Cyber parents, Grandparents, Single parents, Stepparents, Kids Only, Men Only, Women Only, Leisure, Lifestyles, Relating, Shopping, You

STEPFAMILY FOUNDATION

Today 50% of all Americans Live in some form of step relationship. The STATISTICS are STAGGERING! But there is hope. In divorce and remarriage, studies have shown children and parents do best when parents continue parental roles, guide and discipline their children and put their grievances with each other aside. The Stepfamily Foundation teaches the necessary skills.

BULLYING AT SCHOOL INFORMATION

Bullying at School Information such as What is Bullying and what can you do about it? Advice for brothers, sisters,/friends. Links to other bullying sites.

INFORMATION ON BULLYING FOR PARENTS AND TEACHERS

Provides in formation on: What is bullying? How Prevalent is bullying? The gender differences in bullying. And what causes bullying to occur.

NO BULLY ORGANIZATION

The NO BULLY web site has contains features for kids, for grown- up and the kids can even win prizes by playing the NO BULLY game.