What is Grief?

Grief is an extremely difficult, complicated, and painful emotional response to loss. Some of the feelings that you can experience when you are grieving are confusion, shock, anger, sadness etc. There are many different phases, levels and ways that people experience grief. It takes time to heal and each one of us will heal from our loss in our own way.

Understanding Grief

• It is necessary for individuals to mourn and go through various stages of the grieving process in order for healing to begin.
• It's normal for a bereaved person to experience intense emotions and quick mood changes while going through this grieving process.
• Grieving is not a weakness; it's a necessity.
• Grieving helps us to come to terms with the loss of our relationship with the deceased and to refocus our energy toward the future.

Grieving Stages

These 3 stages are the ones that most people experience. People may jump back and forth between stages and while others may follow the order as outlined:

1. Numbness or Shock
   Immediately after the news of the loss you may go through a period of numbness or shock where disbelief and the impact of what of what has happened has not yet been felt.
2. Disorganization
   Eventually the shock will wear off and feelings will begin to come alive again. You may feel anger towards the loved one. You may agonize and feel guilty over things you believe you did wrong or things you think you should have done. There's a feeling of losing emotional control which is very frightening, but necessary.
3. Reorganization
   Eventually, there will be periods when you don't dwell on your loss, and you can focus on daily tasks. A great hurt is never completely forgotten; rather, it takes its place among life's other, more immediate demands. Deeper friendships may be formed through the process of sharing. You may have a new awareness of the preciousness of life and of the value of people and experiences.

Each stage may last for several weeks or months, depending on the person.

Different Types of Grief Reactions

There are four different areas where you may experience grief. In each group there are many different reactions.

1. Emotional
   • sadness
   • anger
   • loneliness
   • guilt
   • fatigue
   • helplessness
   • yearning
   • shock
   • numbness
2. Physical
   • hollowness in the stomach
   • tightness in the chest and throat
   • a sense of depersonalization
   • lack of energy
   • weakness in the muscles
3. Cognitions
   • disbelief
   • confusion
   • hallucinations
   • preoccupation
4. Behavior
   • sleep disturbances
   • appetite disturbances
   • social withdrawal
   • crying
   • absent-minded behavior
   • avoiding reminders of the loss
   • sighing

For some people grief is a very intense experience, whereas for others it's rather mild.

Coping Suggestions

• Spend time in a private place such as a bedroom, garden, etc. The place must allow you space and solitude to express your feelings.
• Recall your cherished memories and feelings about your loved one.
• Try focusing on these and notice what you're feeling, then express and release your feelings. That is where the privacy comes in.
• Try not to analyze or judge your feelings, just experience and express them.

The outcomes of grief are highly individual, each person has to find their own ways to remember the loss and to integrate that loss into their lives.

Additional Links on this topic

WHAT IS GRIEF?

Answers questions you might have about grief – such as What is Grief? Etc.