What is Relationship Violence?

Violence or abuse is the mistreatment of one person by another person in a relationship. This can occur in any relationship: parent to child; partner to partner; teacher to student; social worker to client; sibling to sibling etc. Statistics show that it is men's violence against women that is most prevalent. Abuse is always the responsibility of the person who chooses violent behaviors. It is not the fault of the victim.

Violence takes many forms including:

• physical
• sexual
• emotional
• verbal
• financial
• abuse of privilege
• abuse of children, extended family members
• control of friendships, educational and work opportunities, social contacts
• there are other examples as well

Are You in a Violent Relationship?

Has anyone ever expressed concern for how you are treated by your partner? Has anyone ever stated that they are concerned for your safety? Has anyone ever expressed anger at how limited your opportunities are? Have you noticed that you are not happy or spontaneous anymore or that you may be crying or feeling afraid a great deal of the time? Do you often think that there is something wrong with you that causes your partner to react with anger?

If you think this is the case for you or someone you know, then it would be important for you to take the time to find out for sure and also to discover what can be done to address the situation. During calmer times you could call one of these agencies to have a conversation. There are many agencies that you can contact for help with this matter. Counsellors trained in assisting people harmed by violence can be accessed by calling the following agencies:

• 911
• Halton Family Services
  Services for Abused Women Program
  905-845-3811
• Halton Women's Place
  Shelters in Burlington and Milton
  24 Hour Crisis Line
  905-878-8555
  www.haltonwomensplace.com
• SAVIS (Sexual Assault & Violence Intervention Services of Halton)
  24 Hour Crisis Line
  905-875-1555
• Nina's Place
  The Regional Sexual Assault and Domestic Care Centre of Halton - located at Joseph Brant Memorial Hospital
  905-632-3730
• Assaulted Women's Helpline
  24 Hour
  GTA - 416-863-0511
  Toll Free - 1-866-863-0511
• Halton Children's Aid Society
  Contact information:
• www.haltoncas.ca/contact.htm
• Halton Multicultural Council
  905-842-2320
• Victim/Witness Assistance Program
  905-878-6292
• Halton Legal Aid
  Legal aid services and free weekly clinics
  905-845-7591
• Burlington Counselling and Family Services
  Counselling and groups for men who abuse their partners - volunteer and court mandated
  905-637-5256

Looking Out For Yourself and Your Children – Making a Safety Plan!!!!

If you are living in a violent relationship, it is imperative that you have a plan on what you will do when the next episode of violence begins in order to protect yourself (and your children) from any further harm including death.

1. Have a bag packed and perhaps placed at an alternative location. The contents may include the following:
   • important numbers (crisis homes; police, supportive friends and family)
   • clothing
   • special toys and comforts for the children
   • money, a credit card, perhaps a phone card
   • photocopies of important papers re: finances, ownership of home, vehicles
   • records of bills, bank accounts and financial holdings photocopies of birth certificates and other important personal documents ie Social Security number, welfare identification, school records, divorce or custody papers. If need be, a Transition House will set up a file for you.
   • special things that are important to you
   • medications and prescriptions
   • consider opening your own savings and credit card accounts
   • be aware of possible weapons in your home (e.g. in the kitchen), and try to avoid the areas in which they are located during arguments
   • identify, with your children, all possible exits in your home. Try to keep one of these accessible during arguments.
   • make up a code word to signal your children or confidants that you want them to phone the police.
2. It is important that you are aware that when you press 911, your home address will be recorded at the police station and an officer(s) will come to your home within a short time if they cannot reach you by phone.
3. Contact a trusted friend(s) or a relative(s) during calmer times to discuss your safety needs if possible or contact a counsellor at one of the agencies listed above. Remember that your doctor can also be a good resource. If you feel comfortable, ask neighbours to call police if they hear fighting in your home.
4. Contact a shelter during calmer times to help you become more familiar with their service. The women's shelters or crisis homes will send you a cab during a crisis time to help you get to safety.

It is important that you try to plan where you will go during the calmer times so that you will not have to make this plan when you are frightened or upset.

Shelter staff and counsellors are trained to help you plan what your next step will be once you and/or your children are safe. You do not have to deal with this alone.

If you are out of a violent relationship but feel threatened by your ex-partner, implement whatever measures may be relevant to your situation, from the following list.

• change your door locks and secure your windows as soon as possible. Remember, you have the legal right to change locks only if you are named as the tenant or have exclusive ownership of your residence. Otherwise, appeal to Family Court for ownership or have your property manager change the tenant's name to yours. Move, if you do not feel safe, using community housing resources for help.
• change your phone number, or better still, set up a second, unlisted number and hook an answering machine to the old number so your "ex" is unaware of the second (new) line.
• if you have children, get an order of full custody from Family Court and request a copy of it, certified by your lawyer, for reference, should police have to be called. Inform the schools if your ex-partner is not allowed to take the children, providing copies of the relevant Family Court order(s). Teach your children how to phone 911 from home and from a safe place nearby (pay phone or neighbour).
• get a restraining order, to enlist police support in keeping the perpetrator away from you and your children. If you, your children, or your property are threatened with physical harm, phone the police, with or without a restraining order. Request the name and badge number of the officer involved, as well as the occurrence or report number. If the abuser is charged, you can request whatever conditions you need to feel safe to be attached to his conditional release (and to his probation order, if released after conviction). The perpetrator can also choose to enter into a peace bond that has similar conditions, set by you and enforceable by law.
• keep a dated journal of all suspicious occurrences or harassing activities. It may prove helpful in laying charges later.
• USE THE POLICE. Request that an officer be present if you feel threatened at any meeting.

What is Elder Abuse?

Abuse of the elderly, and related approaches such as neglect, exploitation or abandonment, can be psychological or emotional, financial or material, physical, or sexual, and can occur at the hands of self or others, whether at home or in institutional settings. Self-neglect is unintentionally threatening one's own health or safety with regard to nutrition, health needs, cleanliness, safe housing, etc.. Neglect and other forms of maltreatment at the hands of others often violate basic human rights such as the right to self expression, and the rights to one's own mail, religious observances and privacy. It can be active (intentional) or passive (unintentional).

• Psychological or Emotional Abuse is the infliction of mental pain, anxiety or distress, and includes verbal assaults, insults, intimidation, humiliation, harassment, belittlement, name-calling, threatening, applying the "silent treatment" (ignoring the elder), treating the elder like a child, denying access to regular activities, and enforced social isolation. Signs of psychological abuse can include an elder's report of abuse, ambivalence, deference, evasion, passivity, shame, depression, confusion or disorientation, agitation, hypervigilance, withdrawal, unusual repetitive motions (sucking, rocking, trembling), lack of eye contact, cowering, clinging.
• Financial or Material Abuse is the misuse, misappropriation, and/or exploitation of an elder's assets, whether material or monitory, and includes cashing an elder's cheques without authorization, forging their signature, deceiving an elder to get them to sign away assets, improper use of power of attorney. Signs of financial or material abuse can include unusual activity in the banking records, change of recipient for bank statements, inability of the elder to explain the purpose of documents signed, inconsistency between the elder's appearance and their ability to pay (e.g., unpaid bills, lack of new clothing), caregiver's exclusive concern with the elder's financial state in conversation and questioning of the elder, missing personal valuables, forged signatures, overweening caregivers who gradually isolate the elder from usual family and friends, promises of lifelong care in exchange for total financial control.
• Physical Abuse is the use of physical force resulting in bodily injury, pain or impairment, and includes, besides the most obvious forms, pushing, force-feeding, inappropriate use of drugs, and restraint or confinement. Signs of physical abuse can include an elder's report of abuse, an elder's sudden change of behaviour, a caregiver's refusal to allow visitors, observable or concealed skin injuries, repeated and unexplained sprains or broken bones, untreated wounds, inconsistent explanations of injuries, lack of immediate attention to injuries, broken eye glasses, lab findings inconsistent with prescriptions, dehydration, signs of malnutrition, bed sores, poor personal care, and many of the indicators of psychological abuse.
• Sexual Abuse is non consensual sexual contact of any kind, including with persons incapable of consenting, and includes unwanted touching, coerced nudity, sexually explicit photographing, and all forms of sexual assault, including rape and sodomy. Signs of sexual abuse can include an elder's report of sexual abuse; bruises or other trauma around the breasts or genital area; venereal bleeding, disease or infection; torn, stained or bloody underclothing; and many of the indicators of psychological abuse.

What contributes to elder abuse?

• social values which tend to stress the independence and economic worth of persons rather than their intrinsic worth and experience
• caregiver stress, which increases with lack of resources (money, health, physical strength, relief caregivers, connections to social services)
• dependent elder impairment, which, as it increases, heightens the chance of abuse by others. The chances of abuse have been observed to increase when the caregiver is financially dependent on the elder being cared for.
• the violence cycle, which is learned and transmitted, largely in families: the violence a generation teaches its children is returned to it by those same children in old age. Studies have shown that more than two thirds of elder abuse perpetrators are related to the victim, and have served as the caregiver.
• social isolation, which is also a possible indicator of abuse.
• personal problems of the abuser, who often has existing difficulties, whether emotional, physical, psychiatric, financial or behavioral.

What can I do to help prevent elder abuse?

IF YOU ARE THE ELDER

• maintain and increase your social contacts; they are excellent resources for information, help, advice, companionship and understanding
• develop a special buddy system with someone outside of the home
• make friends welcome as visitors in your home; phone and visit each other regularly
• participate in community events and volunteering plan for the future using legal advice; informed, objective advice can be invaluable
• use direct deposit for as much of your income cheques as possible
• make sure you have your own phone and mail delivery
• keep up regular appointments with your doctor, dentist, hairdresser, etc..
• review your will periodically don't sign documents you don't understand; take the time to know what you're signing
• don't leave your home unattended
• ask for help when you need it; don't neglect yourself for lack of untried options (let your fingers do the walking - there are many helping services out there, and it never hurts to ask. See the partial list of resources below.)

IF YOU CARE ABOUT THE ELDERLY

• maintain close ties with elderly friends and relatives, and become aware of their wishes concerning health care, financial and other options
• plan long-term with your family, exploring various sources of care
• don't offer personal home care without thoroughly understanding your own resources and the demands and responsibilities involved; ask questions such as are you able to transport the elder to appointments, etc., who will watch over the elder if you have to leave, is your home accessible and safe for a frail or disabled person, does it need another bathroom, handrails, a fenced-in yard, etc..
• don't overextend yourself; this only invites disaster
• respect the elder's independence and privacy
• talk about related problems with your friends and in groups, for problem solving
• lobby and speak up for social enhancements to our elders' quality of life
• search out and use available community services and resources such as
  • your family doctor
  • seniors centres
  • family service agencies
  • social services
  • churches or synagogues
  • lawyer
  • solicitor general's office
  • bank manager
  • police
  • hospital services
  • crisis centres
  • human rights commission
  • housing authority
  • local MP or MPP
  • ombudsman
  • phone the Community Information and Referral Centre
    (807) 626-9626
  • contact InfoAbility
    1-800-665-9092
    (416) 482-4359
    e-mail: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
    Infoability is a free, confidential, phone information and referral service for Ontario. Trained, caring information officers can answer your questions about income benefits, home care, long term care, competency assessment, guard ianship, abuse, and other issues of concern to seniors and disabled persons, and those who provide care to them.

Parts of this site were jointly developed by Family Services Thunder Bay and the Catholic Family Development Centre with support from the Ministry of Northern Development and Mines.

Additional Links on the Topic

ANTI-BULLYING WEBSITE FOR CHILDREN

The purpose of the site is to acquaint children with both the players and the actions inherent in bullying, to suggest better ways of behaving and especially to encourage kids to talk with their teachers and parents about incidents of bullying.